I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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