if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
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