My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
