Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
