New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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