Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize