Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
