He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize