Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
this boner is exhausting
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
