I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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