i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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