So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
