Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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