I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
