i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
