I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
