YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
