the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
