Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
