You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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