he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
She bit a glass in half.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
