Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
