when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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