you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Can you bring me the toilet please
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
