the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Are my feet made of real feet?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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