So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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