another moral hangover. fuck.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize