god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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