when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
