bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
