He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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