alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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