I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
