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I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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