please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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