are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
