it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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