I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
