I love black thongs
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
