party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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