Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
