I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
