There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need moral support for this bender
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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