but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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