So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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