1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
