there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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