the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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