My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I look better un-naked...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
