He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize