I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
