he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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