i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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