I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
