so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
