from now on my penis is your penis
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
