I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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