Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
