im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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