OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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