So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
