This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
