Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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