im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
