I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
