My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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