There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize